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Nonviolent communication .. Do you use it in your social relationships?


Nonviolent communication - AWRAQ Community Leaves

Nonviolent communication, sometimes referred to as empathetic communication, is an approach that aims to enhance our ability to evoke empathy and respond by using it towards ourselves and others, and guides us on how to express ourselves by focusing on what we notice, what we feel, what we need and what we are asking for.

The empathic communication approach is based on the assumption that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and empathy, that every human behavior has a need behind it, and that failure to understand and express this need may cause violence as people resort to violence or harmful behavior when they do not replace it with more effective strategies to meet needs. Their own.

Nonviolent communication

This approach aims to support change at three interrelated levels: the self, with others, and within groups and social systems.

This approach is based on several assumptions, including:

  • All human beings share the same needs.
  • Everyone has the capacity for compassion and empathy.
  • Behind every behavior is a motive need.
  • Human beings meet their needs through interconnected relationships.
  • Feelings express whether or not needs are met.
  • The direct path to peace is about the path of self-communication.

The empathetic communication approach believes that there are obstacles that hinder nonviolent interpersonal communication, including:

  • Imposing personal and moral judgments on others.
  • Blaming others for non-compliance.
  • Denying responsibility for our needs and feelings.
  • Comparison between individuals.
  • Assuming that some actions deserve punishment and some of them deserve to be rewarded.

To implement this approach, attention must be paid to four components or phases:

First: the observation

 That is, we make an accurate observation, far from evaluating and making judgments about what is actually going on, a note based on (what we see, what we hear, what we touch). It is said that when the observation meets the evaluation, others tend to hear criticism and thus not accept what we say.

Second: feelings

That is, mentioning and describing the feeling we feel apart from describing ideas and what we believe, for example (I feel I did not get a fair deal) and it should be (I feel let down) The feelings reflect our unmet needs.

Third: needs

Determining our driving needs for us and our feelings and mentioning them as they are, depends on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Fourth: Demand

Any request for a specific, clear and executable procedure is desirable to use clear and positive language, and even when the other is rejected, an attempt should be made to understand and sympathize with him to find out the reason.

Practical example:

When we find ourselves in a situation of conflict or distress with another person, we often try to express our unfulfilled desires (which appear as feelings) or defend ourselves against someone expressing their desires, let's imagine hearing someone say: Zaid, you always leave your dirty socks on. Earth! It's disgusting! Clean up this before you do anything else.

Let's switch dialogue with empathetic communication: (Note) Zaid when I see two balls of dirty socks under the coffee table, (Feelings) I get angry because (needs) I want more order in the rooms we share (Request) Will you be willing to put your socks in the washing machine ?

This approach was developed in the sixties by (Marshall Rosenberg) expressed in his book The Language of Life. When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, how it feels, and needs, instead of diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our empathy.

Prepared by Tala Hourani - Psychologist

Read also: 4 relaxation and meditation exercises that relieve daily stress and tension



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